Happiness

Oh yeah I know the feeling. My first reaction would be to take my head into my hands and shake it vigourosly: "one entire year spent doing nothing"!

Apart from getting married, and, going to Brazil (twice) for the first time, and Oh yeah...becoming American...oh I went back to France too...when was it? March? April?
See...all the major events starting to kicking in back into your memory? But what about smaller events, that you truly liked...like this amazing movie we went to see at this theatre...what was its name again?...and the discovery of the Harbin Springs where we met with Shanti, and oh...this play from the kids in San Francisco, directed by Asher,  the Jewish/Native Indian Shaman...And what about these awesome new friends we made, Ursula and Todd, Sana, Abbas, Merav, Lisa, Johnny and Colin ...wait...was it this year or the year before?

All of a sudden, other memories jump in and it's not the 3 or 4 major events but the hundreds events that occured during 2008 to fill your life with joy and surprises...

Now it's time to count your 2008 Blessings!

Take a piece of paper or open a Word Document.

Put down the 12 months of last year

For each event that comes randomly into your mind, put it in the month during when it happened. If you're not too sure, then write it down in the margin with a circa era "this summer", "March or April" and move on to your next memory. Do not prioritize. Some "minor" events will show up, like "dinner with Such and Such" that you think you will never be able to date. Write them all down.

The more you write, the more you remember. You can set up a time limit to the exercise, because you will soon realize how many things you did, this past year!

Once you think you have come to an end, it's time to date the events you don't have a month for: check back your emails, calendars, and pictures. Ask people who attended the same event. This is the moment where all those memories will come back fresh and vivid: you will go back to one year of a really rich life. Yours!

Once you're done, don't forget to notify your friends and family about it: "Remember that time in 2008, when we...?"   It will bring them wonderful memories back, as well...

If you're a couple or a family with kids, do it all together! It'll be even more fun!

More than 200 years after Thomas Jefferson identified the pursuit of happiness as one of mankind’s inalienable rights, many people remain mystified about exactly what causes happiness. Internet mega-retailer Amazon offers more than 300,000 books on the subject of happiness, ranging from The ABC’s of Happiness to Zen and the Art of Happiness. With so many psychologists, life coaches, and others trying to shed light on such a multi-faceted subject, clearly the path to happiness is something that remains elusive.

Does wealth lead to happiness?

You’ve probably heard the expression, "money can’t buy happiness." Yet our culture remains rife with messages that the right clothes, a new car, a big house, or the latest cell phone will make you happier. Myriad psychological studies, however, have shown that wealth does not lead to happiness. In The High Price of Materialism, psychology professor Tim Kasser reports that, not only do wealthy people fail to achieve higher levels of happiness than those with average incomes, but also that a high importance placed on material values can actually lead to lower levels of well-being and satisfaction in life.

So if wealth doesn’t lead to happiness, what does?

Over years of research, Kasser has observed a correlation between high levels of happiness and certain non-material values. Chief among these is self-actualization, or the realization of one’s full potential. Or, as Judy Garland put it, "Be a first-rate version of yourself, not a second-rate version of someone else." Sometimes it’s hard to be a first-rate version of yourself. Anyone who has survived adolescence has experienced the pressure to fit in, to be "normal." Even well into adulthood, it can be a struggle to choose what is authentically you versus what is easier, or habitual, or culturally accepted.

The path to happiness through authentic self expression

Over the course of last year, I read a book called Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

 Using a short entry for every day of the year, Ban Breathnach outlines a 12-month path to greater peace, love, and happiness through what she calls the excavation of the authentic self. By honoring and acting on the desires and preferences that you may be keeping buried — even concerning seemingly minor matters such as your wardrobe or decorating choices — you can begin to let your authentic self emerge. Expressing your authentic self in small ways can give you the confidence to start making changes in bigger areas and in turn, start living up to your full potential. Do you have your own "bucket list," a list of things you want to do before you die?  What are you waiting for? Whether it’s jumping out of an airplane, learning flamenco dancing, or writing a novel, the items on that list represent the desires of your authentic self, and may be the key to excavating hidden talents or passions. And, learning new things boosts self confidence and stimulates your brain cells to produce dopamine, which creates feelings of pleasure.

Start expressing your authentic self. Once you’ve crossed some of those items off your list, you may find that happiness isn’t so elusive after all.

If you’re happy and you know it….. 

• Faith is the acknowledgement that we are on a path towards a clear purpose in our lives that is bigger than ourselves. 
• Gratitude builds on the platform of faith and involves putting the ego aside and feeling a profound and heartfelt sense of thankfulness that everything is perfect and all our needs are provided for.
• From this comes true and lasting contentment and happiness.

Shorter days mean longer nights, and for some of us the workday steals our only chance to see the sun. Darkness creeps in, and then cold weather swirls with it, freezing your motivation and turning you into a recluse.

You’re not quite depressed, but you’re not exactly your old self. You’ve got a case of the winter blues, gloomy like the weather. Some people call this Seasonal Affective Disorder, appropriately shortened to S.A.D.

You may think there’s no way to get through S.A.D. other than wait it out and pray that the groundhog doesn’t see his shadow in February. But there’s no reason you can’t be happy and your usual sunny self just because the weather isn’t cooperating.

You just have to take your happiness into your own hands.

Step 1: Decide to be happy no matter what.

Tell yourself you won’t let the weather, your boss, traffic, finances, or obligations affect your state of mind anymore. Sign the happiness decision provided by the Happiness Club and make your decision official with a contract.

Step 2: Add happiness activities to your daily routine.

Keeping a sunny state of mind during the winter months means exercising your happiness muscles. Each day, either in the morning while you have your coffee or at night before you go to sleep, write what you appreciate in a gratitude journal, never saying the same thing twice. By focusing on the good things in life, the darkness won’t seem as immense.

Step 3: Practice random acts of kindness.

Tell someone they have a nice smile. Open the door for someone. Smile at a stranger on the street. Wave to the mailman or your neighbor. Pick up some trash on the ground. Do 5 things, even small things, every day that make someone else’s life better.

I am thankful for all the new friends I made this last month and all what I learnt and shared with them so far

What about you? Comment below!

Many people have looked for happiness in foreign material objects.
Many have looked for happiness in different areas of the globe.
Many people have looked for happiness in psychological medication.
Many people have looked for happiness in their mind or in their brain.


Since 1996, I have been studying, learning, developing and teaching sustainable happiness and I have come to understand that it very well may be impossible to find and develop sustainable happiness in your mind and brain. It turns out that we can not ‘think’ ourselves to feeling this deep internal contentment.

Our brain functions our emotional center of our human experience yet the nature of emotions come and go no matter what we do. They are temporary and transient.

This type of happiness, hedonic happiness, is evoked by external circumstances basically entirely out of our control.

Most of us live primarily in an experience dictated by our left brain which is an experience dictated by limitation, fear, criticism, striving, pragmatics, and doing.


What if I said, well,

We cannot “think” our way to sustainable happiness.

We have to create happiness from the inside out. This type of happiness that is sustainable, Eudaimonic happiness, is in our control! It is based on being your authentic self, knowing and using your strengths, knowing your purpose and feeling a sense of meaning and fulfillment in your life. This inner contentment will be with you independent of people, place, things and circumstances.

It is very unusual to find someone who has achieved those heart and soul connected experiences. It is through listening to our heart and soul that we find the answers to the treasure of our sustainable happiness.


Would you like to learn how to develop this deep inner contentment that provides you with that heart centered warm fuzzy feeling that presents the greatest experience known to man? A true unwavering deeply ingrained feeling of complete and utter faith that you are a happy person no longer looking for what you are longing for. You are just being a happy person.


Get a Happiness Makeover™
www.makemehappytv.com

The Power of Feeling Beautiful
By Aymee Coget

“Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.”
                -- John Ray (English naturalist and botanist, 1627-1705)

Beauty and power. These are two words that are not discussed explicitly in our society but that still define it more than anything else. Think of any magazine cover, any runway show, any television commercial. We are conditioned to believe that beauty is something to aspire to and power is its great reward. In reality, though, falling for society’s beauty mandate may actually be robbing you of the power you already have.

We are not born with this idea of being powerful, nor are we born with the sense of feeling beautiful. Power and beauty are concepts we learn, and as much as we give attention to where we are lacking in them, we should also give attention to where we are excelling in them. We have to cultivate our power and our sense of beauty, but we can only do so if we give ourselves permission to love who we are.

We all know beauty is on the inside, but what does that mean? Beauty consists of happiness, confidence, kindness, love, compassion, gratitude, optimism, good health, self-esteem, self-respect, and self care. All of these characteristics lead to personal power and allow you to feel good, vital and full of zest.

For a minute, close your eyes and concentrate on how kind you are, how much love you share, the compassion you feel for others. Acknowledge your good health, your positive attitude, your willingness to share a smile. Honoring those aspects of beauty within you will help you realize your beautiful impact on the rest of the world.

Feeling beautiful starts with a decision to be beautiful, no matter how you look. 

Empower yourself! Go to the mirror right now, look deeply into your eyes and put your hand on your heart.  When you can feel your heartbeat, tell yourself how truly beautiful you look right now and how beautiful you have always been and always will be. Let yourself really feel that sense of beauty inside.

Then, go outside and use your power for good.

One of the most basic human needs is companionship. We are people people, social creatures, and we need to feel accepted by others.  The same desire that left you with baited breath during elementary school kick ball, when captains were picking teams, is still with you as an adult. It is a deep part of your psyche, and something that will be with you forever. But having the desire to belong doesn’t necessarily get you acceptance.

The only prerequisite to a sense of belonging is accepting yourself entirely. If we don’t accept ourselves, we won't be able to recognize what it feels like to be accepted by others. Find out if you are accepting yourself with these evaluations. 

1. Assess negative self-talk.

Pay attention to what you say to yourself when you make a mistake. Watch your tone of the voice. Is it condescending? Do you say things like:

"How many times do you have to make that mistake?"

"You are so stupid!"

"You can’t do anything right!"

A lot of us share a tendency to be hard on ourselves in this way, but we all have the ability to get a handle on this inner critic and find self-acceptance.

2.  Keep a positive self-talk journal.

To convert your harsh inner critic into something positive, try keeping a positive self-talk journal. Invest in a small spiral notebook bound at the side, and any time you have a negative thought about yourself, write it down on the left hand page. The left side is dedicated to the inner critic.

Then convert what the inner critic says into the opposite and write it down on the right hand page. This positive inner voice is what I call the inner colleague.

Keeping a positive self-talk journal requires persistence, diligence and commitment. Bring that memo pad everywhere you go and convert negative thoughts as they arise.  Immediately, on the spot, write it down and convert it right there. 

3.  Every night, review what your inner colleague had to say.

At the end of the day, read through the right hand side of your notebook. Listen to your inner colleague and her affirmations in your mind as you drift off to sleep and let your subconscious build her presence.

If you diligently study your inner monologue for three months, your inner critic will disappear and be replaced with your inner colleague. You will feel love, respect and appreciation for yourself, and that will allow others to feel love, respect and appreciation for you. Acceptance starts with you.

Imagine you are waking up with a smile on your face feeling fresh and excited to start the day! The smell in the air is like a fresh meadow and the temperature outside is perfect.  You say to yourself "Today is the happiest day of my life!" and then you jump up with your fist in the air and exclaim, "I AM HAPPY!" Then you are so exhilarated by your dreams of what gifts today may bring, you do it again, because it feels so good… You jump up with your fist exerting in the air toward the ceiling and you exclaim, "I AAAMMMM HHHHHHHAAAAAPPPPYYY!!!!!!"

That feeling is possible!  You absolutely can have that as the beginning of your day if you choose it.  The only thing keeping you from what I just explained above if your decision to actually say to yourself "Today is the happiest day of my life." Everyday and it is your decision to jump up with your hand in the air exclaiming, "I AM HAPPY!"

Now it may seem weird and way to simple just to do this for your happiness.  The happiness deep in your soul likes it simple in fact. I have studied sustainable happiness from a variety of worldly people and science so these happiness exercises are credible. Plus I have a thriving coaching practice in San Francisco where I teach sustainable happiness.  For those skeptics, I am going to have to ask you, "Don't knock it till you try it." More than likely you are not happy anyway. 

One of my mentors, Robert Mueller, PhD, < http://www.robertmuller.org/ > (Former Assistant Secretary General of the UN, Nobel Peace Prize nominee nineteen times) told me that he felt that happiness saved his life in a Nazi Death camp because he said to himself "Today is the happiest day of my life." Just by setting the intention that today is in fact the happiest day of your life it very well could be!

The "I AM HAPPY!" exercise came from my mentorship with a Swami named Jinendra < http://jinendra.org/ > who's job title is Messenger of Sustainable Happiness. Jinendra's focus in sustainable happiness is on the physiological effect so when you jump up with your fist in the air saying "I am Happy!" then you will feel a very "happy" sensation in your body thus preparing you to experience a deep happiness that day. Also creating this level of zest is supported by the positive psychology movement because they say that zest as a strength is highly related with happiness. 

Stop thinking happiness is out there in a person, place, thing or circumstance and start taking responsibility for your happiness and you will therefore in deed have the best year ever!

First we need to achieve happiness in ourselves and then the best year ever can be our experience.  In 2005, a study from the University of California in Davis compiled all of the empirically demonstrated benefits of what a happiness experiences in life: more money, deeper love, greater success, optimal health, and greater sense of fulfillment. Achievement of happiness in your life consistently is what brings all of the things that you think comprise your best year ever.

So when you are inspired for to create your new years resolutions, allow yourself to choose happiness < http://happinessclub.com/pages/decision.html > in every moment and watch all of the benefits follow.  Thanks to the happiness club who supplies a certificate for us to sign to actually make that decision to take responsibility for your happiness. 

It starts with three steps every morning:

• 1)       Choose happiness
• 2)       Say to yourself, "Today is the happiest day of my life."
• 3)       Zestfully jump up and exert your fist in the air exclaiming "IIII AAMMM HHHAAAPPPYY!"

 

 

There are two common types of research:

• Outcome research which asks, “Does it work?” and
• Process research which asks, “How does it work and why?”

Thank you so much to Margaret Greenberg who wrote the following article in the Positive Psychology daily news on May 14th, 2007. I find it well articulated and easy to understand how the science of happiness, positive psychology, is used in coaching methodology Coaching is one aspect of my business so for those interested in entering a coaching relationship with me , continue reading to gain a greater understanding of how I use positive psychology with my clients.

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Positive Psychology and Coaching

Many clients want to know: What are the benefits of doing this particular exercise or assignment? And those who are footing the coaching bill in large corporations want to know there will be a return on their investment. Following are some specific examples of how I see Positive Psychology intersecting with the coaching profession.

• In coaching, we “acknowledge” and “champion” the client – a core coaching skill. In Positive Psychology, we examine studies on the positive effects of what is called Active Constructive Responding (ACR) and Catherine Freemire’s 3A model (Acknowledge, Amplify and Apply).
• In coaching, we “separate interpretations”. In Positive Psychology, we are exposed to common Thinking Traps discovered by Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy.
• In coaching, we “change geography” and use the body to deepen the client’s experience. In Positive Psychology, we are drawn to the work of Riff and Singer that explores the interconnectedness of the mind and body (or what we call somatic) on human wellness.
• In coaching, we often introduce our clients to journaling and visualization exercises like “Future Self”. In Positive Psychology, we examine the evidence behind exercises like Best Possible Self (BPS) that prove the benefits to health and overall well-being, and Bandura’s research in visualizing success scenarios.
• In coaching, we work with our clients to set goals in their life, like the “Walk the Talk” exercise, and develop plans to achieve the goals. In Positive Psychology, we explore goal theory and studies like King’s that show setting goals produces self-efficacy and promotes well-being.
• In coaching, we help clients notice and overcome their “gremlin” conversations. In Positive Psychology, we study resiliency, optimism, and disputing or reframing techniques such as the ABCDE model (Adversity, Beliefs, Consequences, Dispute, Energy).
• In coaching, we work with clients on process by amplifying both “up and down the tube” experiences. In Positive Psychology, we explore the benefits Bryant has found in savoring and examine the three temporal forms.
• In coaching, we help clients uncover and/or clarify their life purpose and core values to serve as “stabilizing rudders” for living a fulfilling life. In Positive Psychology, we learn why purpose and values are so important to creating meaning in one’s life through the work of Baumeister and Vohs.

Positive Psychology has a lot to offer the coaching profession to broaden the coach’s knowledge and provide empirical evidence for why coaching works. By bringing more science to the discipline, coaching will avoid the “fad trap” and will have the staying power of other helping professions.

[1] Whitworth, L., Kimsey-House, H. & Sandahl, P. (2007). Co-Active Coaching, 2nd edition. Palo Alto, CA: Davies-Black Publishing.

[2] Kauffman, C. (2005). De-mystifying research: an introduction for coaches. In Coaching Research Symposium. Eds: Stein, Campone & Page. Washington, DC: International Coach Federation publisher.